Forget stats. Forget expectations. Forget deadlines. None of them matter. Just me and this open draft. Writing. Freely. Not caring what I’ll say or how I’ll say it. My mind has already figured it out. No need to stress about it…
What should I say now. That I’m sorry for the absence? Well I am. I’ve been told that I have been missed. My few fans almost sent a motion to bring me back here to blog. But the thing is, I am always writing. Especially in my head. When I am too lazy to open a Text app, I write them down mentally. My thoughts that is. It’s quite fun actually. But the thing with physical writing is that I have a better chance of sharing my thoughts with you. Friends, acquaintances, as well as Internet strangers. (I didn’t know how to correctly spell acquaintances, but auto correct came to the rescue). But it begs the question; why would you want to know what I think? Is it because I have a mind that’s always working around something? Or is it because I usually have deep thoughts and think like a psychologist? Maybe it’s both. Some people were blessed with intelligent brains, others funny brains; I was given even funnier. Hehe.
So let me start this post officially, as if the first two paragraphs you have just read didn’t exist. My name is M.J (not officially though they are my initials) and I believe I am great. After all, my favorite imPastor Buddy said as long as you believe in something it is yours. I am also a music blogger who hasn’t being living up to her name for over a month. And for that, I am sincerely sorry for misleading you. It’s just that (here comes the excuses) I got tired. Tired of feeling like this is a job. Like I have to post something at least once a week. And if I don’t then I am a failure. It’s a huge pressure that I admittedly put on myself. Did I tell you I’m a perfectionist? But enough about my traits, I decided to change. Lay down this heavy pressure I have placed on my not very strong arms, I don’t gym anyway. This is why I took this long break. Figure out the next one direction. Listen to Sauti Sol’s music on repeat and just Relax. It’s working out pretty well. Also used the time off to catch up on my fellow online writers’ work. It is one of the most entertaining things. They use words, and dance with them. Now look, I’m even starting to sound like them. Anyway the point is I really enjoy exploring their creative minds. They are extremely talented. And just like them, it’s hard to ignore the urge to write my own stories. Once you’re in, you’re in for life. At least that’s what I think.
You must be wondering by now. You know, why I am writing about myself yet there’s a whole About Me section on the blog. Well, let me kill your burning curiosity. It’s because I like speaking the truth. Si teacher said it’s good to be honest. However, realness is not easy to find nowadays. Almost the whole human population puts on a facade every other day, together with their clothes and shoes. We always show the public our good side; the expensive restaurant we are dining at, the fancy pancy party we attended, the cool crowd we hang out with. But when do we ever mention the githeri we ate in the evening because we were too broke to experience some Java Love? I’ve realized that as humans, we consciously and unconsciously hide the true us so that people can think we are (almost) perfect. But we’re not. Behind those selfie smiles and clever captions are hearts that are broken and eyes that have cried for nights. There is pain that lingers in hearts, but is only felt when the lights go out and nobody can see you. That’s why you need to know something: you are not alone; we all go through it. Just because someone’s problems are less visible than others doesn’t mean that they are not there. There is a struggle in each one of us, whether we live in the leafiest of neighborhoods, or the poorest of slums. Because despite our different lives, we are all alike. We are all human.
I always ask myself a question. Why do we pretend to be better off than other people… Yet we all get disappointed and hopeless every once in a while. It happens to most of us, we just never say it. We keep our struggles close to our hearts like rare gems. And they become just our burdens. Our little big secrets. But what if we shared them with someone? Maybe one or two people. They might talk, mightn’t they? (I was never good with question tags). They’ll probably tell the whole world. But what if we told the whole world ourselves, who else would they report to… the Martians? Not to be sound mean, but I think they have unique problems of their own. Like why on the solar system are Earthlings looking for water in their home! I digress. But then again, our personal issues are never that unique. Someone out there can relate to exactly what you’re going through. And how cool would it be to find this person? Someone who is not you but understands your deepest fears. I think it would help us cope way better. We would support and teach one another how to move forward.
For example, I suffer from depression occasionally. By talking about this imperfection, I found someone who understands what I go through, and helps me overcome my negative thoughts one day at a time. I feel extremely lucky for that. But when I’m really depressed and my confidant is not around, I turn to my other good friend – the Internet. There I find beautiful people from all over the world who are going through the same thing. And immediately, I know I am not alone. We are plenty in number. In the same process, I also discover another amazing group of people. Guys that have been depressed for years, but have finally found ways of beating it. Currently, they are helping other people through motivational books, blogs and courses. It’s simply amazing. Like the solution to our problems could all along be in a stranger’s hands. This is what inspires me. I want to beat this disease (because it is one) then show people like me how they can do it too. That ladies and gentlemen, is my lifelong dream.
So whatever your personal struggle is, just remember that at least one million people are going through it or have gone through it. Someone already understands you. You just need to reach out to them. They could be living, or even standing next to you. So you don’t have to suffer alone. Speak out. Share your true self with someone close, or with the whole world like I am. And if someone judges your flaws, then they are probably in denial of who they really are. But there’s no need to carry the burden of pretense any longer. Be free. Be you.
You’re not perfect. You’re just human.