During this past week, I have seen and read a couple of Valentine stories online. By single people as well as by those who found love in a hopeless place. I get them, it was Valentine’s week after all. So I thought, why not share my own? I mean, everyone has their own unique love story. Mine is a quite a lengthy one, spreading over a span of 2 years. So turn off that Netflix for a while and pour yourself a glass of *insert your favorite drink here* and let me share with you my story.
I have always been in love with love; even when I had nobody to love. I would daydream about love almost every single day. It was my obsession. I don’t know if it’s most single people’s obsession, but it was mine. I even made up fantasies about how I would meet the one and what we’d do together. I know, I’m crazy. As much as I thought about it, I also looked for love, always checking if it was around the corner. It was one of those things I thought would make my life happy. My search for The One got a few results. Funnily on social media networks. You know when you meet someone by chance and you immediately connect. They make you laugh all the time. Make you fall in like. (It’s never really love at first). And you hope that you have finally found what you were looking, who you were looking for. That maybe this is the one. Until weeks or months later, you find out you were terribly wrong. That all those fantasies you made up in your head will never come true with this human being. Your heart was fooled, so was your mind. I have gone through that plenty of times. Enough times actually.
I was obsessed with finding love. But after a couple of disappointments, I finally got a life changing revelation. Not like the one John in the Bible had, but it was equally important. It came from something I read in one of the many love Internet articles I opened every other day. A simple quote it was. It read something like this “Do not look for love, but let it find you.” Those are probably the most powerful words I ever came across in my search for love. I interpret it in this way; love is like a man, you do not chase it but you let it chase you. So from then on I stopped chasing. Stopped staring at handsome light skin fellas and wondering if they’re single. Stopped worrying about my single status. Listened to this lovely song which helped me become patient. And I started living my single life proudly.
You only find love when you stop looking for it. These words are too accurate because it is exactly what happened to me. About one and a half years ago. I wasn’t looking for love, so it found me. In the form of a man. A man I spent a lot of time with. I always had a feeling he liked me, but he never said it. So I did nothing, let things flow in whatever direction they wanted to. That was until he finally asked me out. I remember I was in utter shock that day. I never gave him an answer immediately. Being so sudden, you can understand why I took a couple of weeks to decide. But in the end, I said yes. After all, he was my best friend.
Love, is a beautiful thing. Especially during the first few months. You get what they call a love high. Every single day, all you can think about is that person you love. And you have that beautiful feeling fluttering in your heart all the time. The satisfaction of finally realizing that thing you have longed for for almost half your life. That was the most magical time of my life. I don’t think I have ever being happier than that first month. But with time, things inevitably change. The initial excitement dwindles, but the feeling remains just as strong. You start learning more about your lover. You open up to each other and find out things you never knew. This is called a connection. It’s the thing that brings you close emotionally. And of course, there’s the physical connection which is just as important.
When you’re in love, you want that feeling to last forever. You cannot imagine losing it. But life is a strange thing, it usually doesn’t give you what you expect. You slowly realize that you will not always be happy. That sadness comes with love too. Someone once said that the person who can make you the happiest is also the same person that can make you the saddest, and I totally agree. I don’t know if it’s because they hold the key to your heart. But it happens. You argue as much as you dote on each other. But the good thing is that you always make up. And the hurt you felt before is quickly forgotten. Now that is love, a real up and down affair. If you thought dating was a rollercoaster, being in love is The Kingda Ka (the world’s tallest rollercoaster).
They say love is not a bed of roses. I’m not so sure it’s even a bed. Maybe a comfortable seat. It definitely isn’t what is advertised on (social) media. It’s not all hugs and dates and kisses. Love can be cruel, it hurts more than anything in the world. But it is also the same thing that keeps lovers together. It is the sticky glue to relationships. If there is no real love between two people, then it easy for them to give up on each other. But if it exists, leaving your lover is the hardest thing to do. Because you don’t want to lose love. And you can’t imagine finding someone else who understands you the same way.
If I die today, at least I can say I loved. But I wish someone told me not to look for it earlier. It would have saved me a lot of unhappy days. So this is my advice to singles: Love is almost impossible to find. So don’t look for someone to love you so that you can experience it. You are already full of love inside. Share it with your friends and family. By showing love, you attract more love into your life. And that is how love finds you. So right now, enjoy the freedom you have. Being single can be so fun and rewarding if you let it be. Go on adventures with your friends and learn all you can about yourself. You don’t have to force love to happen. Just love yourself and it will come to you naturally .
Love is also very unexpected. It can come in the form of anyone – that friend you’ve friend/brother/teacher zoned for a long time, that random person you always ignore, or even your best friend. The right one could be right under your nose, and you don’t even know it. Or a stranger you haven’t met (yet). So don’t worry. There is hope for everyone. The right person will show up at the right time. When you are ready.
Whether you’re single or in a relationship, take this day and every other day to appreciate the people whom you love. Loving is the point of life anyway.
Have a lovely Valentine’s Day!