What to do when you lose friends 

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Have you ever lost a close friend in an instant? Like they just walked out on you and left? Then as if that wasn’t enough, other people you thought you mattered to followed suit? Me neither.

Okay, maybe I have. And I got to tell you, it ain’t easy. It’s like losing your family all at once. If friends are family.

You will feel lonely. And alone. You will ask yourself what you possibly did wrong. What you ever did to deserve to be in such a situation. Did God just see it best to render you friendless?

The first weeks will undoubtedly be the most difficult. You’ll probably see them around, or hear about them. Going on with their lives, without you. Doing the stuff you used to together, without you. You might even come across Snaps and Instagram photos of them having fun, without you. And it will hurt like crazy.

Your ego will be left with a couple of bruises. But you shall sit there and do nothing. Because you know that you can’t force anyone to be your friend. Not even when you have always been theirs. You will learn that people are fickle. And disloyal. They won’t always be there for you. Especially when you need them.

So what do you do when you’re in this situation? Cry until your head hurts? Maybe. Curse your life and hope to die? Probably not. There’s a better way.

You can choose to get up and brush it off. Accept that your friendship has ended. Even though you don’t understand how or why.

Unlike romantic relationships, friendships usually don’t have breakups. Most people will not tell you to your face that it’s over. They won’t call, or even send a breakup text. Nope.

Instead, they’ll just keep quiet. Allow unreturned calls and texts to accumulate. Let the distance and time drift you apart. Until you are no longer friends. Until you become strangers. Strangers that you used to know.

It’s easier that way. At least for them.

At this point in life, it is very easy to despair. To think that it’s the end of your social life, if not your life. That you will finally become a member of the dreaded forever alone club. But that is a lie your mind tells you.

Everything in life has a season, they say. Well, this includes friendships. The truth of the matter is not everyone is meant to be in your life forever.

Some people will last longer than others. Whereas other seasons will end earlier than you anticipated. And that is okay. Life is just dynamic like that.

There is never an ending in life, only a beginning. Even death is just the beginning of an afterlife. So losing friends isn’t the end.

Think of it as a new chapter in your life. As Troy and Gabriella once said, it’s the start of something new…  A time to reinvent yourself. To discover yourself anew, and the world too.

It’s a perfect opportunity to meet new people and make new friends. Better friends. And to reconnect with the ones you abandoned because you were too busy with your “real friends”.

Do not despise them though. Why? They’re only human after all, and they make mistakes just like you.

Instead, try and remember the positive impact they made in your life. The new interesting things they introduced you to. The cool people you met through them. The fun experiences you shared, and the important lessons they taught you.

Those things don’t leave with them, they stay with you. Cherish them. They are meant to help you in your life journey. Otherwise, those people wouldn’t have been placed in your life for the time they were.

So be thankful. It wasn’t always all bad anyway.

Forgive them. Yes, I said it. Forgive those who hurt and betrayed you. I know, it sounds silly. But forgiveness is the only way to buy your freedom. To be free from all the anger and bitterness in your heart.

As long as you don’t forgive, you will always carry the pain they caused you. And you will never move forward. It will be like an anchor that always holds you back.

So do it for yourself. Forgive them, for they do not know what they’re doing. They don’t know that they are letting go of an incredible human being. A loyal and caring friend who will always be there for them.

So let them go. You are not the real loser here; they are. And they simply have no idea.

Someone great once said you need to lose in order to gain. Okay, I may have made that up. But I’m sure somebody somewhere has ever uttered those words before. Meaning that you cannot gain new things if you’re stuck with the same old.

It is unlikely to make new friends if you are always with the same crowd. That is why I believe that the real reason we lose something, is so that we can create space for something new.

It is crucial to let go of what has been taken from you so that you can grasp all that is meant for you. From new experiences to new people. It’s a big world out there, just waiting for you to take it.

As you move on with your life, you might start to worry about when and where you will get fresh company to hang out with. To be honest it might take weeks, or even months to make new friends.

But during that period you will learn that sometimes it’s okay to be alone. And to enjoy your own company. That is the best way to meet strangers after all.

And eventually, the right people will come to you. You don’t even have to plan for it; it happens so automatically. As automatic as air filling up an empty space.

Trust me, there are lots of people who would like to get to know you. To be your friend. People who actually want to spend time with you, and be there for you. Why would you turn down such an opportunity?

So go out on as many new adventures as you can, and be open to (nice) strangers. Because who knows, one of them could just be your next best friend.

It is never the ending, just a new beginning.

Go on, friend. Live your life. Take this time to focus on yourself. Work on your hobbies and talents and become the best person you can ever be. That is what will make you truly happy and satisfied.

And soon enough, you will have forgotten that you even lost anything. Because you’ll be too busy Winning In Life.

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4 thoughts on “What to do when you lose friends 

  1. Joy, am so moved by this. It made me recall a quote I once saw on a friend’s Facebook timeline and it went like this: “Some people aren’t loyal to you…they are loyal to their need of you…once their needs change, so does their loyalty.” I have seen friends who have lost friends and friends who have experienced a break-up(I mean those who lose a romantic friend) and trust me, as you put it, the psychological pain experienced by those who lose friends is totally insane. However, there is a good lesson right here in this thought-provoking article, to gain something, you gotta lose something too…the phenomenon works even for fellas who do investments, learning to let go is the avenue to bigger and better things. There is much to draw from this article….Well done and Happy Easter!!!!

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    1. I totally agree with that quote. The experience is truly painful, especially when you lose those who promised you forever. But we learn our greatest lessons through suffering, and come out stronger and better.

      Thank you so much for reading and commenting. Have a lovely Easter too 🙂

      Like

  2. Lol reminds me of how bitter i was losing like all my friends during the time i needed them most but eventually you learn to live alone.I can count my friends, but at the end you become stronger than you were.You realise they were not worth keeping after all.God was just preventing you from the worst..nice article keep it up Joy!!!!

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    1. Thank you for your comment Carol
      It’s funny how many of us go through the same thing. But we do end up stronger and smarter through the process.
      I’m glad you liked the article, will definitely share more stories like this.

      Like

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